Note to self...."write 'em down silly woman!! "
Saturday nights - there was a time in my life when the thought of having "nothing to do" on a Saturday night felt like some kind of failure; not having plans for the weekend left me feeling deficient, anxious. I would feverishly engineer meetings or invite friends round for fear of being alone, under the impression that most other people were "doing something".
Sitting here now I can't remember when I managed to turn my thinking around but I do remember how it made me feel - liberated, exhilarated, calm at my centre, the core of my being.
Firstly, I quit worrying in anticipation of empty days, and found that as a result, whatever I ending up doing, my weekends were enjoyable....even if I was home the entire time.......I stopped tormenting myself with images of everyone being out, or at home with friends or family.
I made the most of whatever was in front of me, was glad that I had time to clean the house, or tackle the clothes mountain in my bedroom.
I relished the chance to soak and dream in the bath (although my version of a long bath only lasts about 20 minutes!).....I call them pampering preening baths, legs to be smoothed, nails to be trimmed...a bit of healthy self absorbtion.
That relaxed attitude is a way of life now, and having started writing seriously, any spare time is an opportunity to turn my attention to "The Trilogy"....(I'll tell you about that in another post).
Guess what though? Now I don't worry about not having anything to do...I'm really rather busy, alot of the time!
Having demolished a bar of chocolate and supped a glass of vodka and orange...typing on here as Terminator Salvation rumbles in the background (on Channel 4 +1 because a pal called and we talked for an hour and I really do want to watch this!) I feel good , if I ignore the ominous symptoms of an imminent cold - the more or less inevitable consequence of all the months of hard work for the festival!
